Ichirin no Hannah Montana
by Androfirestrike
Summary: Hannah Montana invades Karakura town and everybody wants tickets.
1. The Best of Both Worlds

**Disclaimer:** Tite Kubo owns Bleach. Disney owns Hannah Montana.

* * *

"_You get the limo out front  
Hottest styles, every shoe, every color  
Yeah, when you're famous it can be kinda fun  
It's really you but no one ever discovers  
In some ways you're just like all your friends  
But on stage you're a star  
You get the best of both worlds  
Chill it out, take it slow  
Then you rock out the show  
You get the best of both worlds  
Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both worlds "_

-Best of Both Worlds; Hannah Montana

* * *

**Part 1: The Best of Both Worlds  
**

"Come on, Ken-chan! We gotta get home! The show's about to start!"

Division eleven's pink-haired wonder, Kusajishi Yachiru, called out as she sat on a rock. She watched as the great Zaraki Kenpachi slashed and cut everything in sight. Another hollow went down as Kenpachi cut through the thing, taking it down in one blow. He sighed. Easy hollows didn't amuse him.

"I know, I know. I'm tryin' my hardest! There's just so many of these fuckers!"

Slash! Cut! Rip! Another hollow went down. Yachiru sighed, wanting to get home as quick as she could.

"But Ken-chan! The Jonas Brothers are in tonight's episode of Hannah Montana! Feather Brows won't forgive me if I miss it!"

And then, Yachiru got up off the rock and charged toward a hollow. Kenpachi didn't usually like receiving help, but this was a special case. If Yachiru helped out, they could leave sooner than they would if only Kenpachi fought the hollows. Yachiru was not about to miss a new episode of Hannah Montana, even the great Zaraki Kenpachi could not oppose that.

* * *

"Oh, Yachiru! You're just in time! The show is about to start!"

The show Yumichika had been referring to was, in fact, Hannah Montana. Though a Disney show and aimed toward children and pre-teens, Hannah Montana had lately been gaining notable popularity in Soul Society, much like in the physical world. Apparently shinigami couldn't get enough of the "lovable, gorgeous" Disney popstar.

"Y' hear that, Ken-chan? The show's about to start! C'mon and watch it!"

Kenpachi didn't hate Hannah Montana, but he was absolutely positively no fan like Yachiru or Yumichika. Nor was he inexplicably drawn to the only TV set in division eleven every Friday at 6:00 like Ikkaku, who had no idea why he liked the show. Kenpachi just watched the show because Yachiru made him. That was all.

"Feather Brows! Feather Brows! It's starting! It's starting!"

Not only were Yachiru, Yumichika and Ikkaku huddled around the TV set, but various other members of division eleven were there as well. It was times like these that made Kenpachi question what kind of men were actually in his division. After all, he saw absolutely no appeal in the girl on screen.

"_You get the best of both worlds..."_

It was almost tradition that Yachiru and Yumichika sang the theme song together.

"Oh, Yachiru! You see him, don't you? Joe Jonas! Isn't he amazing?"

However, Kenpachi wasn't expecting the hysteria that came with "The Jonas Brothers being on Hannah Montana." Yumichika was getting all hysterical over "Joe Jonas" while Yachiru just smiled, laughed and watched the show. Thirty minutes watching something that Kenpachi had seen forty one times over and over wasn't that interesting. In fact, he was bored by the constant squealing over boys, sitcom shenanigans and over-all bad acting that came with the show, but he would never tell Yachiru that.

"Y-Yachiru..."

Kenpachi was finally brought out of his boredom when everything was silent in the room, save for the _wonderful _voice of Hannah Montana.

"Hannah's going on a world tour! Hannah's going on a world tour!"

Yachiru began jumping up and down, squealing over how the "lovable" popstar was touring all over the world. Yumichika sat there, amazed by this latest news.

"Yachiru...the dates said she was coming to Karakura town..."

Yumichika said, still amazed. Yachiru paused in her joy, only to resume again. This time, even happier.

"Ken-chan! Ken-chan! You gotta get us tickets! You just gotta!"

The pink-haired girl pleaded as she looked up at the much larger man, puppy dog eyes in full effect.

"Eh. Whatever. I'll get 'em. How hard will it be?"

Little did Kenpachi know, finding four tickets to see Hannah Montana would be more troublesome than killing fifty hollows. Finding tickets would be harder than killing Aizen. Finding tickets to see Hannah Montana was one of the most impossible tasks in the world. If anyone could find tickets to see Hannah Montana, though, Zaraki Kenpachi would be the best man for the job.

* * *

"Ichigo. I was wondering..."

Rukia stood there, looking up at Ichigo. A question was trying to come out of her mouth, but couldn't.

"Yes, Rukia?"

The small, black-haired woman sighed, gaining enough courage to finally state her proposition.

"Ichigo, I was wondering if you would like to go to Hann-"

However, before she could even finish her sentence, she was interrupted by the loud sound of Zaraki Kenpachi charging toward Ichigo.

"Ichigo, give me your tickets!"

He demanded as he slashed at the deathberry, who easily dodged the attack.

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

The boy came out of his human shell, into shinigami form. Drawing his sword, he looked at the opposing shinigami.

"Oh, don't give me bullshit like that, Ichigo! I know you got 'em, just give 'em to me already!"

Kenpachi charged again, but Ichigo was easily able to block.

"What the hell are you talking about? What tickets?!"

Ichigo yelled as he pushed division eleven's Taichou back. Rukia sighed, looking at the ground.

"I think he means these."

She said as she held up two tickets to Hannah Montana. Good seats, too, Kenpachi would add.

"Yeah. Those! Give me those!"

Kenpachi yelled as he charged toward Rukia, but was met with Ichigo who defended the girl.

"Rukia, I hate Hannah Montana. Don't you remember me telling you that?"

The orange-haired boy spoke, staring directly at Kenpachi as he held him off.

"So, you don't want to go with me?"

He pushed Kenpachi away, taking a slash at the man at the same time.

"NO! Take Yuzu instead!"

And all Rukia could do was sigh as she watched Kenpachi fight Ichigo over Hannah Montana tickets.

* * *

"Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! How hard is it to find some fuckin' Hannah Montana tickets in this town?!"

Zaraki Kenpachi cursed as he ran through the relatively busy streets of Karakura town. He was in shinigami form so no one saw him, save for the few select people who had spiritual power, but that is a whole other story. You see, Kenpachi had never been one to like standing in lines, but he had made an exception when he got into his gigai and waited in one of the longest lines imaginable just to buy tickets for himself, Yachiru, Yumichika and Ikkaku to go see Hannah Montana. However, when he approached the front of the line, he was greeted by the news that Hannah Montana tickets were sold out. Now, he was pissed and still needed tickets for Yachiru and himself (He would never let Yachiru go to a concert by herself in the physical world. That would definitely cause more harm than any good), at the least. Too bad Ichigo didn't give him his tickets and instead insisted that Rukia and his sister had to go see the show. At least Kenpachi got a good fight out of it, though...

"Oh, Uryu! You really got tickets? You're amazing!"

The large shinigami paused as he overheard a familiar voice. It was Inoue Orihime, no mistaking it. Apparently she was talking to the quincy boy, Ishida Uryu.

"Well, I was hoping we could go see Hann-"

And he couldn't help charging at the poor boy.

"GIVE ME YOUR DAMN TICKETS!"

Kenpachi yelled, pinning Uryu to a tree. Orihime looked positively horrified while Uryu looked terrified by the sudden intrusion.

"I said give me your damn tickets! Unless, of course, ya wanna die!"

Now Uryu usually would never have complied to the demands of a shinigami, but he was in absolutely no position to refuse. After all, Zaraki Kenpachi had him directly pinned to a tree and was threatening to kill him. This was no half-hearted threat, Uryu reminded himself as he stared at the scary, terrifying shinigami. Zaraki Kenpachi enjoyed killing people.

"Uryu, just give him the tickets. I-It wasn't that important. Maybe she'll come back again?"

Orihime quietly spoke, causing Uryu to sigh. The quincy boy looked at the opposing man who was already in shinigami form and could easily kill on a moment's notice.

"Fine. The tickets are in my back pocket. Take them if you want."

And in less than a second, Kenpachi grabbed the tickets out from Uryu's back pocket and shoved the boy to the ground.

"Thanks. Yachiru sure is gonna be happy when she sees I have these!"

He was gone quicker than he appeared, almost like a dream. Uryu lay on the ground as Orihime stood over him.

"Orihime. Did I just get mugged by Zaraki Kenpachi for Hannah Montana tickets?"

Orihime nodded repeatedly.

"Yes."

Uryu still remained on the ground.

**To be continued.**

* * *

**A/N:** So, I hoped you enjoyed that. This will be three chapters. Kenpachi's quest. Other shinigami and Hannah Montana. The Hannah Montana Concert and after. Can we say how epic this is? Basically, this idea evolved from my brother and I discussing the Hannah Montana cosplay I want to do for the next Oni-Con and how I should totally go up to cosplayers like Alucard and Itachi. Then I mentioned that I would totally go up to a Kenpachi and would totally annoy him. Then my brother said that Yachiru probably makes him watch Hannah Montana all the time and he wouldn't mind it. Next chapter will have a lot more characters in it. Oh and for those of you who aren't in the know, Hannah Montana's episode titles are usually taken from popular songs so I decided to take a spin at the Bleach opening, "Ichirin no Hana" and make it "Ichirin no Hannah Montana" which actually translates to "A single Hannah Montana"? Andro Firestrike loves Hannah Montana even though I've only seen two episodes of it and I watched them both while I was writing this damn thing. That show is so horribly hilarious and seriously, you know how hard it is to get tickets to see her perform? Reviews would be nice. I love them. And now I'm going to work on the next chapter already while the idea still amuses me.


	2. I Got Nerve

**Disclaimer:** Tite Kubo owns Bleach. Disney owns Hannah Montana.

* * *

"_You, you need to discover  
Who can make you feel free  
And I, I need to uncover  
The part of you that's reaching out for me, hey  
I know where I stand, I know who I am  
I would never run away when life gets bad  
It's everything I see, every part of me  
I know I can change the world yeah yeah yeah  
I know what you like, I know what you think  
Not afraid to stare you down until you blink  
It's everything I see, every part of me  
Gonna get what I deserve, I got nerve"_

-I Got Nerve; Hannah Montana

* * *

**Part 2: I Got Nerve**

"Hanatarou, what on earth happened to you?"

Isane said, rushing to the boy as he dragged himself into fourth division. He looked like a mess.

"I-I got m-mugged."

He trembled, trying to suppress the painful memory.

"By who?"

The female healer ran over to the seventh seat, healing his cuts and bruises.

"It-It all went so fast. I-I don't know who!"

And the he recalled it, perfectly and down to the exact detail.

* * *

_Hanatarou sat in the park, two tickets in his hand. One ticket for himself and another for-  
_

"_Orihime! He has tickets!"_

_Another for Isane, but he had no idea what to say to her if he actually asked her out. Girls liked Hannah Montana, though. That's what Hanatarou had been told. That's why he went out and bought two tickets, one for himself and one for Isane, although now he was thinking he should have just bought one ticket. A ticket just for his Fukutaichou._

_"Come on, Uryu! Get him!"_

_Isane deserved to go, but Hanatarou didn't. He didn't deserve to be in her presence, let alone be on a date with her. That's what Hanatarou figured, at least._

_"Oh, Isane...I wonder how you'll...AAAAAHHHH!"_

_Before Hanatarou could even finish that thought, two people jumped on him. An orange-haired woman and a black-haired boy in a cape. The boy held him down while the woman attempted to grab the tickets out of his hands._

_"W-Wait! Those are for Isane! I-I need those! A-At least one...AH!"_

_He got punched in the face and before he knew it, the tickets were gone from his hands._

_"Thanks, Hanatarou!"_

_The woman said, dragging the boy behind her. All Hanatarou could do was sigh as he lay on the ground. Had he just got mugged for Hannah Montana tickets?_

* * *

"So, you're telling me _Inoue Orihime_ and _Ishida Uryu_ mugged you for Hannah Montana tickets?"

Isane finally asked after listening to Hanatarou's whole story.

"Y-Yes? I guess so?"

She sighed, finally healing all his wounds. Hanatarou smiled wearily.

"Hanatarou, you said you only got punched in the face by Uryu. What about all those other bruises and cuts?"

And once she mentioned those, Hanatarou's smile disappeared and he began to sigh.

"W-Well, you see...I sort of was chased by Division e-eleven as soon as I re-entered the S-Seireitei because they sort of assumed I s-still had my tickets..."

Division four's Fukutaichou sighed as well.

She didn't even like Hannah Montana to begin with.

* * *

"Alright now! Jinta! Ururu! I got a surprise for you two!"

The great shopkeeper, Mr. Hat and Clogs, Urahara Kisuke, yelled for the two children who resided in his shop. Tessai, his assistant and business partner stood nearby.

"Yeah. What is it, Boss?"

"What is it, sir?"

The two children walked in. Ururu meekly held a broom in her hand while Jinta positioned his hands behind his head.

"Tickets to see Hannah Montana. Who's excited now? Who's the best shopkeeper in all of Karakura town?"

Urahara declared proudly, holding the two tickets in his hand while his fan was in the other.

"Hannah Montana? That's chick stuff! I'm not goin' to that!"

Jinta yelled, turning away.

"Well, that's fine. Ururu, you want to see Hannah Montana, don't you?"

The meek, black-haired girl looked up at the shopkeeper then back down.

"S-Sorry, sir. I think Hannah Montana is an unnatural, idealistic version of what the corporate media wants young girls to be. She's a very negative role model, in my opinion. S-Sorry, sir."

Ururu said quietly, walking back to get to her cleaning duties.

"Hey, Boss, why don't you just go get a refund?"

Jinta said as he scratched his head. Urahara could only sigh.

"Fraid' not, Jinta. You see, with the way I got these tickets, there is no refund. Tessai. Looks like you and I are going to see Hannah Montana."

All Tessai could do was look at his friend as his friend held the two tickets in his hand that were apparently "non-refundable."

* * *

"BUT I DON'T WANNA GO TO HANNAH MONTANA!"

Hiyori yelled, in response to the ticket to Hannah Montana Love showed her.

"It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, though. If you don't go now, you never will."

Rose said calmly as he looked through a comic. He sighed.

"C'mon Hiyori! It won't be that bad! Even Kensei's going!"

Mashiro charged in, dragging Kensei behind herself.

"I STILL DON'T WANNA GO."

Kensei sighed as he looked at Hiyori and shook his head, mumbling something about how "it's not the type of show I usually go to."

"Suck it up already. We're all going, including you, whether you like it or not."

And then Lisa was there, a book in hand. Everyone immediately looked at her.

"Even Shinji?"

Hiyori said as she pouted.

"Shinji? Well, it was his idea to begin with..."

And then Hiyori immediately fell over.

Of course Shinji was the biggest Hannah Montana fan of them all.

* * *

"U-Um, Yoruichi-sama, I was wondering if..."

Soifon struggled with words as she looked at the other Kunoichi, Yoruichi. Her hands were behind her back, gripping two tickets.

"I was wondering if you would like to go see Hannah Montana with me..."

And then Yoruichi began to laugh. Loudly, one may add, as well.

"Yoruichi-sama? Something wrong?"

Soifon perked up. Yoruichi smiled as she pat the smaller woman's head.

"Sorry, Soifon. I _hate_ Hannah Montana. Thanks for asking, though."

Yoruichi left almost immediately after that, leaving Soifon to just stand there. A blank look remained on her face until it turned to anger.

"MARECHIYO!"

She yelled, throwing the tickets on the ground. Marechiyo came almost immediately after hearing his Taichou's yell. That's how loud it was.

"Yes, Taichou?"

Soifon grabbed the tickets off the ground and threw them at her lieutenant. He looked at her, confused by what was going on.

"I hope you like Hannah Montana because apparently we're going."

Marechiyo couldn't protest either. His Captain was one scary woman and now she was even scarier.

After all, she just got rejected.

* * *

"Oh, Toshiro, I got a surprise for you!"

Matsumoto Rangiku said, casually waltzing into the office. Hitsugaya sighed, watching the woman enter.

"Matsumoto!"

He yelled, filling out yet another form.

"I mean, Hitsugaya Taichou, I got a surprise for you!"

The busty blonde sat down on the office's couch, waving two tickets in her hand.

"I actually got tickets!"

Hitsugaya paused, looking over at Matsumoto.

"Tickets to what?"

He asked, trying to decipher the text on the tickets, but being unable to since Matsumoto insisted on waving them.

"Oh, you know _what_!"

And then he saw the words on the tickets, "Hannah Montana," and he could barely contain a smile. He ended up smirking.

"I do not like Hannah Montana!"

Hitsugaya declared, reminding himself that liking such a thing was not only childish, but also very, very girly.

"Yes you do! You make me go home every Friday at 5:30 and then you watch-"

"MATSUMOTO!"

It only took fifteen minutes more for Hitsugaya to admit how big of a Hannah Montana fan he was and how much he wanted to go to the concert. Damn, Matsumoto was good.

* * *

"Um, Rukia...I was wondering if you...Well, I know you like..."

Renji struggled with his words. Holding his hands behind his back, he took a deep breath.

"Since you like Hannah Montana so much, I was wondering if you would like to go to her concert in Karakura town with me..."

Rukia stood there, her arms crossed as she shook her head.

"Sorry, Renji. I'm already taking Ichigo's sister, Yuzu, since Ichigo didn't want to go..."

And that made the red-head furious. Dropping his tickets on the ground, he looked at the black-haired woman with a mix of anger and frustration.

"You mean to say you asked Ichigo?! B-But...I...I..."

The female shinigami sighed, turning around.

"You know, if you don't have anyone else to go with you, ask my brother."

Rukia was gone in a flash.

"Kuchiki Taichou? Yeah. Like he'd want to go see Hannah Montana. What a laugh."

Little did Renji know that as soon as he got back to division six's office...

"Hey, Taichou?"

Renji asked, casually strolling into Byakuya's office.

"Yes, Renji?"

The stoic, black-haired Captain spoke.

"I might sound stupid for asking, but are you interested in seeing the Hannah Montana concert? Y'know the one she's playing in Karakura?"

It took the other man minutes to respond. The words "Hannah Montana" finally registered in his ears.

"Yes. Rukia was saying something about that not too long ago. I am quite interested in going."

And those words didn't even begin to register with Renji.

"Ah, I knew I was stupid for asking. Of course you hate- WAIT, WAIT, WHAT?"

Renji couldn't contain himself when he realized his Captain actually wanted to go to Hannah Montana. Hell, Renji didn't even want to go, but he paid good money for those tickets and he would never let good money go to waste.

"Renji. I assume you have tickets? It would be more than rude to retract an invitation once its been given, therefore I accept."

The red-head sighed. Instead of taking Rukia out, he was taking her _brother._

"Kuchiki Taichou, you can't be serious!"

Byakuya kept on doing what he was doing before, paperwork.

"I'm quite serious."

Who would have guessed the great Kuchiki Byakuya was almost as big of a Hannah Montana fan as his sister?

* * *

"Mayuri-sama. It has been brought to my attention that the other shinigami are currently obsessing over this 'Montana Hannah' girl more than usually lately."

Nemu said, standing to the side as Mayuri conducted some wicked experiment.

"It's Hannah Montana and the other shinigami are obsessing over her because she will be coming to Karakura town next month."

Akon calmly said, looking at his Taichou who took a small step back and looked at the two to his side.

"Nemu. You will obtain a ticket to see this Montana Hannah girl and conduct research into her hypnotic charm."

Nemu nodded.

"Yes, sir. Should I tape it for you as well?"

Akon poised himself to respond to that question.

"Nemu, I do believe taping the concert would be illeg-"

"Yes. You will tape it for me. I want to see this Montana girl's full hypnotic charm at it's highest. Get seven different angles and make sure it is high quality."

Akon could only sigh. His Taichou was such a hard-head.

* * *

"TACHOU! TAICHOU! LET ME GET YOU TICKETS! LET ME! LET ME!"

"NO, NO, TAICHOU! LET ME GET YOU TICKETS! I WILL! I WILL!"

Kiyone and Sentarou pushed and argued with each other as Ukitake lay in bed. He sighed, watching the two squabble.

"Hold it, you two. I don't know if I'll be particularly up to go-"

He couldn't even get a word in.

"YOU'RE SO SLOW! I ALREADY BOUGHT TICKETS YESTERDAY!"

"WELL, YOU'RE EVEN SLOWER BECAUSE I BOUGHT TICKETS THE DAY BEFORE!"

The pair each held up their tickets as they looked at their Taichou.

"Kiyone. Sentarou. I'd love to go, but I've been feeling even sicker than normal lately..."

Ukitake coughed, causing the two to simmer down for one second only to begin again two minutes later.

"YOU IDIOT! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO ALREADY BUY TICKETS, HUH? UKITAKE TAICHOU CAN'T EVEN GO!"

"ME, THE IDIOT? YOU BOUGHT TICKETS ALREADY, TOO! YOU'RE JUST MOCKING UKITAKE TAICHOU WITH THOSE TICKETS!"

Division thirteen's Captain sighed.

"Why don't you two just take each other? That way you'd only have two tickets left. I'm sure someone would love to pay for-"

And before he even finished _that_ sentence, Ikkaku and Yumichika came rushing in.

"We heard you have two extra tickets..."

Ikkaku began, pushing Sentarou into a corner.

"You don't know how important it is for us to have tickets..."

Yumichika glared at Kiyone.

"See, these two need tickets to go to the concert and...Sentarou? Kiyone?"

Needless to say, Ikkaku and Yumichika got their tickets.

And they didn't even pay a dime for them.

* * *

Nanao walked and walked, searching for her Taichou. She was surprised when, in fact, apparently he was in the office. That was the last place she would have ever looked.

"So, you aren't buying tickets then?"

She overheard the familiar voice of Ukitake Jushiro, Captain of division thirteen.

"I could, but why should I? My lovely Nanao is too cultured for that kind of stuff. She would refuse my offer before I even made it and then I would have money well wasted."

She overheard her own Taichou speak.

"Oh, I forgot. You don't really like Hannah Montana to begin with. What a shame."

Hannah. Montana. That's what they were talking about?

"There you are, Taichou! I've been looking everywhere for you for the past-"

"Oh, my lovely, lovely Nanao-chan! You've been looking everywhere for me? I'm touched!"

He was hit with her book almost immediately.

"My Nanao-chan is so mean!"

Shunsui yelped. Nanao could only sigh.

Little did he know, Nanao actually wanted to go see Hannah Montana.

**To be continued.**

* * *

**A/N:** OMG. That was so long. Much longer than part one, but those were the situations my brother and I came up with. Ehhhh. Next chapter's the last chapter. The concert's gonna be epic. I got some surprise visitors for the concert as well that will add some more comedy. Let's see who's going to the concert: Kenpachi and Yachiru, Yumichika and Ikkaku, Uryu and Orihime, Rukia and Yuzu, Urahara and Tessai, All the Vizard, Soifon and Marechiyo, Matsumoto and Hitsugaya, Renji and Byakuya, Nemu, Kiyone and Sentarou and four mystery guests! Who's excited now? God, Hannah Montana is amazing. I also got another scene planned for the next chapter that will be AMAZING. Ah, so if you enjoyed this, drop me a review. Andro Firestrike's studying for finals now.


End file.
